Memorable quotes from Portal

Memorable quotes from Portal depicting the characteristic humor –

Once the tests are complete – and the AI plans to kill you –

(GLaDOS): [near the end of the nineteenth and final test chamber] "Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. [the moving platform the player is standing on is sinking into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."

Once you figured your way into the main chamber of the AI, and attempt to shut it down by destroying parts of it –

(GLaDOS): Have I lied to you? [pause] I mean, in this room? Trust me, leave that thing alone.

Portal 2 –

(GLaDOS): Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. (Combined with the characteristic evil and pseudo-cheerful voice in which it is said, this one is a gem!)

(GLaDOS): This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!

(Wheatley): Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for... quite a bit longer, and it's not completely out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, all right? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling, because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.

(Wheatley): They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff... of robots; all of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams... of their replicas; all of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they're screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.

(Wheatley): You two are going to love this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it... to death. Love it until it kill- until you're dead. [chuckles] All right? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying here, but …

(GLaDOS): Yes, thanks. We get it. [Chell and GLaDOS enter a elevator] All right, he's not even trying to be subtle any more. Or maybe he still is, in which case: wow, that's kind of sad.

Bathroom - Chandrabindu

This is one of the most hilarious songs I've heard - truly a masterpiece. However I couldn't find the lyrics online, so this post. Along with it is provided an English translation; though admittedly my translation doesn't do justice to the original lyrics.

Lyrics (Bengali)
Ek English medium school - Kora disciplin'er dhoja ore
Half pant pora sir onker class nen, Miss dhoke miniskirt pore.

Tumi Banglae bolbena kotha - Tumi tiffin-e khabena paurooti
"Faster!" fifth period-e jodi Miss bole bathroom jabe guti guti.

Kochi chheleder chokh holo tera - Bandhobi der dress dekhe -
Sei frustation-e bathroom-e dewal-e hijibiji aanke aar lekhe

Ekdin sundor sokale - Erokomi naami daami school-e
Third period-e dekha gelo ek chhatro chhotto kore aangul tule

"Tumi first period-e giye chhile na? Aar third period-e pelo abaar!"
"Bose thako chepe chupe" - pant bhije chupchupe - "Ek chore kore debo sabaar!"

[Music changes to recognize the situation]
Bondhura dekhe hese hese - aar prokitio dake bhalo beshe!
Pet tar phete jae - somoe je kete jae - ebare benchi jaabe bheshe!

Tolpete hoe khub jatona! Tai mone jaage biplobi chentona!
"Aantio choto chilo. School-e jeto. Class-e jeto. Tokhon ki tar kichu petona?"

[Music back again]
Obosheshe jege othe shoshito. Didimoni aasole doshi to!
Sogorbe korilo se ghoshona - "Aami first period-e giyechilam!
Aar third period-e jaabo abaar. Jete dibi na keno didimoni tui, bathroom ta ki tor babar?"

Lyrics (Translated into English)
An English medium school - the flagship of strict discipline -
Sir in half pants takes the math class, Miss comes in miniskirts.

You won't use the regional language - you won't have "paurooti" in your tiffin

"Faster!" Miss shouts, if in the fifth period you're wasting time going to the bathroom slowly.

Eyes of boys the roll-up - having looked at the dresses their female colleagues wear
In that frustation, they aimlessly scribble and write the walls of the bathroom.

In one such reputed school in a beautiful morning,
You could see a little boy raising a little finger in the third period .

"Didn't you already go in the first period? And you want to go again in the third period!"
"Hold it and keep quiet!" - But his pant will be drenched - "One slap and you'll learn your lesson!"


[Music changes to recognize the situation]
Friends are enjoying the situation with wide grins.
And nature is also calling very lovingly.
His stomach's almost going to burst - time ticks away very slowly -
Soon enough the bench is definitely going to get wet!

Unbearable pain in the lower abdomen - puts revolutionary ideas into his brain.
"Aunty was also small once, she too went to school and attended classes - didn't she ever need to go then?"

[Music back again]
Finally rose the wronged - With the realization that aunty is a real sinner,
And proudly he stated, "Yes I went in the first period!
And I want to go again in the third! Why would you stop me, dear miss, does the bathroom belong to your father?!"